Possible solutions to slow UK economic growth

George Osborne


Are you fed up with the whining hypocrisy of successive governments in the UK?  For decades they have presided over declining British industry and backed a one horse strategy of growth though ‘Financial Services‘.  (Code for living off the backs of those who do actually produce something).

We are now shocked to learn that ‘The Makers’, apparently a key plank in George Osborne’s strategy to pull UK PLC out of recession, have been unable to contribute to the 4% level of anticipated growth.  Instead, we are told that growth at the end of 2011 was a miserable 0.5% and economists now claim that the contraction of the manufacturing sector is actually accelerating and there is the ‘possibility’ (political speak for near certainty) of a double dip recession.

Am I the only one not surprised by this?  What does the UK actually make any more?  I can’t help but notice that the strongest economies such as Germany and China do actually have a credible manufacturing sector.  Even in the US, they still manage to make things.  Once again the blame game is in full swing. Oh it is all the fault of the naughty spend thrift Europeans!

Possible solution:  Lets print some more money then use it to help pay Barclays Chief Bob Diamond his bonus by purchasing all their excellent financial products.  If there is any left we can use the change to buy a new Royal Yacht to celebrate HM’s Diamond Jubilee.  Whilst we are at it, we can also strip Sir Fred Goodwin of his Knighthood and then plan another Royal Wedding.  (Author’s note at time of writing Sir Fred was still Sir Fred.)

Perhaps we could send another gun boat to the Malvinas (uumh I mean Falklands).  In Spanish and whilst not grammatically correct, Malvinas does sound a little like ‘Malos Vinos’ which would translate as bad wines.  How true…

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